Top Ten Hints for “Winning” Your Child Custody Evaluation

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When divorce enters your life and you have children, not only are you ready to end it with your soon-to-be-ex, but you’ll likely be also thinking about how this family disruption will affect your children. Many parents are also very concerned about how to “win” the child custody evaluation and impress a judge so that their children’s health and well-being are protected in the custody and parenting time judgment.

1. Children do not like change, and consistency is key to their proper adjustment.
2. Parenting time is the right of children, not of their parents. All time belongs to your child.
3. An adult’s perception of everything (especially in a crisis) differs from a child’s perspective. Get into your child’s headspace and assess their best interest through their lens, not yours.
4. The system is not perfect, but it’s what we have and where you have to function. Ultimately, you made the choices that contributed to the problems; and you are responsible for the solutions.
5. Children cannot un-see or forget traumatic events. Lifelong consequences are rendered in the split-second decisions we make. When your child does not mention or ask about the other parent, it is often a signal that they do not feel safe to do so with YOU.
6. Be aware of the snowball effect of negative thinking. What we think becomes our truth, and in our truth, our language and behavior are birthed.
7. Children have many characteristics and mannerisms of both of their parents. You carefully, completely, unconditionally love your child if you hate their other parent. It will not work; you cannot fake “good” in the eyes of a child.
8. The best revenge is a life well-lived!
9. Buying your children’s affection is temporary — and expensive!
10. Children will always find out what you’re up to. They are like little CIA agents living in your home.